SOFIA'S STORY
As a family friend I was able to take custody of the children almost immediately based on a presumption of eligibility. In other words, as long as I could pass a background check and demonstrate that I had enough room in my home, DYFS would let the kids move in right away and I would go through the training and the home study process after they were already in my care. While this is a great thing for the kids, the newly minted foster parent finds themselves suddenly expected to function as part of a system they know nothing about yet.
Here are some examples of things I wish I’d known sooner:
- The monthly stipend a foster parent receives doesn’t kick-in until month #2 (as in, after I had already spent my entire monthly budget buying a crib, car seats, clothes, toys, diapers and daycare).
- DYFS has handbooks and tons of pamphlets, publications and training materials– I only wish they wouldn’t have waited until PRIDE trainings* (three months after the kids arrived) to give them to me!
- Ask if you can get the handbook and training materials used in PRIDE as soon as you get the kids, if not sooner.
- Be prepared for lots of conflicting emotions and have a plan in place for dealing with them. As family or friends, we often have lots of complicated feelings to work through about what has happened that regular foster parents don’t have to deal with, everything from anger, to grief to resentment, all of which can affect not only our mental health and our family relationships, but our parenting as well.
- Network with other foster parents as soon as possible, they will be an invaluable source of advice and moral support.
- Ask lots of questions about what your expenses are covered, how the stipend is calculated and what other financial assistance might be available, either through your agency or other county resources.
If you are a single-parent, like me, and funds are always tight, try the following:
- Get a chest freezer, either full or half sized for your basement, or quarter sized for your kitchen. I bought mine new, but you can look for used on Craigslist or Freecycle.
- Shop and cook in bulk for said freezer. I take one Saturday a month to make a couple batches of pizza dough, meatballs, chicken cutlets and casseroles to freeze.
- Cooking ahead buys me precious down time on those busy weeknights when I’m too tired to cook without having to blow extra money on takeout. I even freeze half gallon cartons of milk so I’m never stuck having to get three kids into the car for an unexpected run to the corner store.
- Keep a running grocery list hanging on the side of the fridge, then do one huge shop each month, preferably online. Shopping online really helps me stick to my list, save time and avoid impulse spending. I consider the $20 fee to have it delivered to my home to be money well spent.
Bio: Sofia is a Central NJ single mom, writer, and graphic designer happy to be cruising through life in an 18 year old Honda.
*Note: Many states use the PRIDE curriculum for training, while others use MAPP or other curricula.
*Note: Many states use the PRIDE curriculum for training, while others use MAPP or other curricula.